Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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