ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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