Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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