I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
