508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My first STD was from a foam party
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
