God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
