Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
