In the future we'll all be gay
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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