I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize