Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Randomize