She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
