so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
