No stitches, just platelets and will power
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize