please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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