he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
