FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
