As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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