that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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