Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize