Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
