Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
