apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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