I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
