I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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