Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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