So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
