Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
