Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
