will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
