My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize