oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
