Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
