Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
