That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
