Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
