You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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