grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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