Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
