I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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