i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it's like iHOP with fire
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
