I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
