so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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