My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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