i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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