Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
