Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
