if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize