My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
