You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize