apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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