We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
