I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
