shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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