thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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