And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
