That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize