i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
