your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We're like a lot better than the average bears
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
