I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
