tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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