Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
