Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize