she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
