I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Drunk is a universal language darling
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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