you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
