I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
