I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
