You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
