apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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