I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
